Getting sick is not only terrifying, it’s also extremely disturbing. This is NOT something I have considered before. I was used to thinking that everything would always be fine with me and that I would somehow always be OK. So I didn’t NEED to take care of myself, this was not a priority, in fact, this was not even a thing. My part was to make sure everyone else around was OK, more or less successfully, probably less than more, when it would come to the persons closest to me unfortunately. But I was not aware of it. I thought I was doing fine.

Now for the first time, I see myself in danger. And what if my body is failing me and I can’t take care of my kids any more? Or worse: what if I have to be taken care of? What does this make me? Who am I if I am not taking care of others? Who am I actually?

To answer this question I need to stop running. All of a sudden I also realize that I’ve lived most of my time chasing a future over which there is now a big question mark.

STOP.

NOW is getting for the first time my attention. What can I do NOW if my future is slipping away? I can try to understand what my body is telling me. I need to listen to it. Somehow I know that the answer is right here. Somehow I know that I created this. And if I created this, there must be a way to uncreate it. I need to make space to be able to hear what is happening within. I need to focus on myself here and now.